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Friday, 1 June, 2007

When you see a Dodge Charger, know that the part of me that never left Valley Station, Kentucky gets a little bit chubby. [implication intended] The vehicle is little more than the 1996-2001 Mercedes E-class with the 1999-2004 S-class front suspension, with massively inefficient American engines available, and a radically different body that is just awkward enough to look serious.

The vehicle looks and supposedly drives like a big, fat American car that should be called Fury, Galaxie or Caprice while being more-or-less up to date in very practical ways.

What a certain segment of the car-buying population was excited about is the fleet package. Before the present model year, only one non-truck vehicle sold in the US had a selection of fleet vehicles. Specifically, the ubiquitous Ford Crown Victoria, which is the same car as the 1979 Ford LTD, modestly improved and with a different body. For reasons which remain unclear, since 1996 no company was serious about marketing fleet-level cars. Chrysler re-engineered the charger into a “Squad” package. No carpets, heavy-duty electrics, the Euro-spec suspension, brakes from the 2500 truck. range selector moved to column shift, only the low-end four-speed auto available but the high-end engines, a 2700 six and a 5700 eight. That said, it has make for to be a tough looking cop car, right?

The first non-Vicki Austin police cars since 1988 (I was actually able to look that up) hit the streets this week. The livery is modestly different from the present style. It looks like a big off-white blob, with a ridiculous grille. It’s the kind of car owned by a man with a really small penis. I don’t see any need to advertise the fact.

At least they are ordering them with the sixes. They may be somewhat less likely to explode when the kids drive them sixty, in town. in the rain and wrap these $65K fully equipped vehicles around telephone poles.

I’d like one. It’s so wrong. With the six, please.

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