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Ten years ago …

Thursday, 31 December, 2009

Ten years ago I was living in a place where there seemed to be a point to it all. Just a phase, you understand. It happens to the best of us.

My roommate brought me to a party, and I didn’t know what to do with myself (recurring theme) and I think a Wicca wedding ceremony was involved. I could not imagine the pains, pretensions and pleasures waiting for me in the coming decade. I learned to love cats. I’m making progress in getting my diet together. I started to run my mouth off on the internet instead of in person. Beyond question, I got old. In body, but certainly in state of mind. I now avoid that which can be of no benefit, and learned to tell the difference. I think. Although I still play around with “writing” and I am at long last making little movies. Corrective shoes and bi-focals …

Twenty years ago, I already knew something was seriously wrong with me. A nice little party with those who I did not comprehend were my social betters. I could not imagine the pains, pretensions and pleasures waiting for me in the coming decade. Abandoned everything, sorta, and went to Texas. Discovered how authentically useless I really am, at least in the world of order. Started the decade running around trying to be consequential. At least I got over that. Eventually. If you have to try to be consequential, that’s a big red flag. First chemical-addiction scenarios, started to learn not to love …

Thirty years ago, I was watching television at my father’s house in a smallish town in Western Kentucky. I could not imagine the pains, pretensions and pleasures waiting for me in the coming decade. I discovered the world beyond poor-white suburbia, even if I still don’t know what to do with it. That’s okay. They don’t know what to do with me either. I watched the world in which my parents were raised disappear. I am stupid and lazy because I could not take advantage of that which no longer exists. Middle-american post-punk and understanding that I could contribute to the larger dialog, discovering my career oddly …

Forty years ago, I was a babe in arms. I think I was babysat by my mother’s little sister, while my folks went out to one of those beautiful classic restaurants or nightspots which were still operating. I’d say I was merely a child for the rest of the 1970s, but I was a child up until 2002 or so.

Happy New Year. I don’t know how we can make the next decade suck less than the foolishness we’ve just been through unless we just stop paying attention. A dear friend of mine stopped paying attention decades ago and she’s the happiest person I know.

  1. penny van horn permalink
    Thursday, 31 December, 2009 18:53

    I have some photos that you might want as your facebook profile photos. You know. Why so pale and wan? as the poets say. there are no end of pharmeceuticals availble today. There is no need for any kind of disaffection! You are a strong and beautiful young man in the prime of your life, full of talent and intelligence. If ever you need a sterling recommendation, I am here for you. The end, by Penny Van Horn.


    • Thursday, 31 December, 2009 19:56

      I have unfailingly ignored saving evidence of my existence over the years. This may have something to do with why I am so dedicated to recording mundane details of my life in recent months. I would like to have photos from days gone by if you would be kind enough to forward them to me.

      My brain’s ability to process information is actually worse than it used to be. It no longer consistently comes off as some kind of genius or creativity. Finding appropriate and competent assistance within my fiscal parameters has proved difficult. Oddly, getting older is helping.


  2. Thursday, 31 December, 2009 19:20

    Stan—Thanks for your friendship this year. Good luck in the year ahead.


  3. Thursday, 31 December, 2009 23:20

    “I could not imagine the pains, pretensions and pleasures waiting for me in the coming decade. ” i love it! thank dog we can’t, i guess. sometimes think it’s our imagination that causes a lot of the pain. nothing’s ever as bad as i imagine it’s going to be – but it’s bad enough. also agree that life seems easier in old age. not less painful but less stress & rage. as for companions-give me an animal every time.


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