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Hamburger Diaries: Jack’s Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger Munchie Meal

Friday, 18 October, 2013

Once I had a stomach of cast iron. I am now 45 years old. I know better than this, or so one might think. As I type I am 30 hours out from the experience and I still feel a little bit strange.

You may have been paying attention when I said the Hamburger Diaries were on hiatus because eating this stuff makes me a little sick. Where were you last night when I elected not to go to 7-eleven for one of those salads? Look, it’s been a rough week. I’m not going into it. I elected to reach for the original gateway drug. It was more of a compulsion, really.

I was raised, as a correspondent reminds me, where only the food is good. I will say this much, I was well prepared for a life as the accidental gourmand by both rejecting and embracing the various foodstuffs of my raising.

Nearly one thousand, seven hundred calories. More salt than the Dead Sea. Marketing specifically intended to deter people like me. Yet I persist. With tax, the meal comes to exactly seven dollars. Everything about this deal is intended to give the intoxicated a positive experience. If only they could remember.

Jack’s Munchie Meal includes two tacos, just about a large-fries worth of fries and curly fries, a 20 oz drink, and a premium sandwich only available with this offer or dressed “chicken” nuggets. It is, in essence, the classic JBX order in a fancy box. The sandwich I selected, the Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger, is a Jumbo Jack on a sourdough bun with a liquid, Velveeta-esque  cheese sandwich on top. Three bread, one burger.

It’s so so wrong.

The sandwich is crunchy, gooey and the briskness of the veggies is completely missing. So much is going on, the net effect is the taste of beige. As a texture experience, however, this is the most interesting burger I’ve ever had. I hope the woman behind Fat Ho Burger is getting royalties. This is the commodification of her ideal burger.

I suppose you know by now I have an inappropriately high opinion of Jack’s sides. We’ll skip that.

If you are interested in a compulsive eating experience, or are particularly drunk or high, the Munchie Meal is certainly worth at least a one-time adventure. I still feel weird.

I may not eat again.


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